Separated, divorced, widowed or perhaps living alone from the start. No matter what your circumstances or reasons are: Everyday life as a single father can be challenging. But also wonderful. We have specific tips for you on how you can actively shape your dad-child happiness.
Single dad? More and more dads are taking over childcare
The statistics show: The majority of single parents are still female and usually the mother of the child. According to the Federal Statistical Office, around 2.09 million mothers and around 435,000 fathers were single parents in Germany in 2020. Nevertheless, there is a trend towards growth among single fathers. More and more dads are taking over the main care of the child - for example after a divorce.
Incidentally, this has nothing to do with custody. You are considered a single parent if you live with underage children, take on the main care and bring them up alone. In other words, you can also be a single parent with shared custody.
What are you entitled to as a single father?
Of course, single fathers have the same entitlements as single mothers. This means, for example, that you receive so-called childcare maintenance if your child lives with you or can apply for paternity leave. But there are other things we are entitled to. Here is a brief overview:
- Maintenance: If you are a single parent - for example after a separation or divorce - you are entitled to maintenance from the mother. The Düsseldorf tablegives you a good overview of the amount of maintenance. If the child's mother is not prepared to pay this, you can contact the youth welfare office. The staff at the Youth Welfare Office will advise and support you in enforcing your maintenance claim. In cases of hardship, you can also sue for maintenance with the help of a lawyer.
- Child benefit: You can also claim child benefit paid by the state. This is currently around 200 euros per month for the first child and a further 200 euros for the second child.
- Childcare costs: If you spend money on a nursery, kindergarten, childminder or after-school care, you can deduct these costs from your taxes.
- Leave of absence if the child is ill: As a single parent, you can take up to 20 days off work if your child is ill, provided the child is under 12 years old. A medical certificate is required for this.
- Parental allowance: If you are the single father of a newborn, it is best to apply for parental allowance, as you are entitled to it. It supports you financially while you look after your baby.
- Father/mother-child leave: What many people don't know: As a single father, you are legally entitled to a father-child cure. The 21-day cure is intended as a preventative measure against health problems. Your doctor can certify the necessity of the cure.
Suddenly a single father - how to organize yourself better
The first few weeks as a single father can be particularly challenging for you and your child, because suddenly everything is different. The routine you may have had with your partner before is turned completely upside down and you realize that you have to coordinate your everyday life with your child in a new way. That's why a good plan is essential. To make sure you don't lose track, you should rely on tools that can help you. These are, for example
- a good wall calendar
- a folder for applications and paperwork
- a budget plan
Then write a list - whether with pen and paper or a suitable app - and collect the most important tasks and points for your everyday life as a single dad. Designate one day a week for bulk shopping. Ask yourself whether you want to clean the apartment yourself or get help. When is the best time for a washing day? And what about your child's hobbies? Recurring events such as club activities are easy to plan and perhaps you can network with other fathers and mothers to share the commute.
As soon as you have noted down the everyday tasks, create a weekly schedule on this basis and put all the points into a sensible structure. Your work and daycare/school times form the framework for this. Of course, things will always come up: Parents' evenings, appointments with the pediatrician, illness, leisure activities and excursions with the school. Nevertheless, the weekly schedule is an anchor and gives you a good rhythm. After all, concrete plans are important to avoid unnecessary stress - and to make sure your child doesn't miss out.
Single father: the emotional task
On the one hand, you have to manage everyday life with your child on your own, but on the other hand, you face a huge emotional challenge as a single father. You are responsible for giving your child stability. A separation or the loss of the mother is extremely stressful for your offspring. This makes it all the more important that you show your child: I am by your side. Regardless of their age.
If an unpleasant, difficult separation or divorce has turned you into a single parent, then it's human nature to feel angry with the child's mother at times or to think badly of her. However, don't badmouth your ex-partner in front of your child. A good relationship between your offspring and their mother is important for their long-term stable development.
Particularly important: a good support network
It can sometimes be overwhelming to be solely responsible for a child and to provide emotional support. That's why it's important for single fathers (and mothers too, of course) to have a good network of friends and relatives. Often, grandparents can also support your child in everyday life and at weekends. So don't be afraid to ask for help. Try to get the support you need. You can also always fall back on official support. Because even if you would like to be the super dad for your child around the clock, don't forget: you are human. And everyone needs help sometimes. That's perfectly okay!
Being a single parent is no easy task
Whether you're a single father or a single mother, accompanying a child as it grows up largely alone is no easy task. Not losing yourself in the process is extremely important for your mental health. Take care of yourself and try to schedule time to pursue your interests, meet up with friends or take up a new hobby.
Time with your child is irreplaceable and valuable. But it doesn't mean that you have to stay alone forever. A new partner may turn your lives upside down again, but it can be a positive addition to your lives as a small family and ultimately complement each other.
